Late that night there was a knock on the door of the Presidential Palace, and when Jimmy the Special Friend stepped outside he found a note addressed: To the Alleged President, and brought it at once to Phil.
Meeting as a Committee, the note said, we have discussed among ourselves today’s events at the border and have found them deplorable. Several of us saw what you did today, from over by the Cafe. We were just minding our own business, having lunch, and what happens? Shameful carnage! Believe us, it is difficult indeed to eat a Caesar salad watching what we were forced to watch. It is bad enough that you disassemble them, but now you start disassemblnig us? What is next, will you disassemble us for writing this letter? Will you disassemble everyone to whom we provide a copy? We are businessmen and students and members of the clergy, parents and grandparents, and we love our country. Though we are small in number, please be advised that we are watching you. Many do not know of the evil you are doing, but they will, if we have our way.
Yours in patriotism,
The Committee of the Anonymous (COTA).
“What does it say, sir?” said Jimmy.
“Our reading isn’t the best,” said Vance, holding the note upside down.
“This loyal citizen points out that malicious evil morons in our land, Inner Hornerites sympathizers who don’t understand the important work we’ve undertaken and would like to see Inner Horner conquer and humiliate us, may be actively working to bring down my open, people-centered administration,” said Phil.
“Wow,” said Jimmy.
“They used a lot of words for that,” said Vance. “You said it a lot shorter.”