Outtake #6
Solutions to the Lost Brain Dilemma

Sleep helped, but whenever he fell asleep Phil dreamed that the Inner Hornerites were laughing at him while playing catch with his brain. Hot baths helped, but then his increased body temperature would cause him to black-out and slump into the tub, and he would emit a short burst of nonsense from under water. Finally, tired of being so tired from waking so abruptly from these dreams, Phil secretly overrode his Drowsy Button, which would allow him to stop sleeping altogether.   

What also helped, Phil discovered, was, if a melon the same size and shape as the missing brain was inserted into his huge sliding rack. With a melon on his rack, Phil found the strength and clarity to bark out the day’s orders. However the melon solution didn’t help much, or for long, with each melon only marginally improving the Presidential Mental Clarity, for about an hour, and so soon the Presidential Bedroom was full of boxes full of melons, and full of other boxes which were full of used melons, and the way the Advisors told which was which was, the used melons had gaping holes in them, from where they had been impaled on Phil’s rack.

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